What do a boss who’s always yelling at you, your mate’s over-spending habits, a cluttered house or office, tight shoulders and a ho-hum (or bad) relationship have in common?
They are all tolerations, those little or big things with which we allow in our lives. Often we tolerate these irritating things without even realizing it. These tolerations can sap our energy and drain our passion. Every time we tolerate something, we deplete the energy we could be using to make desired changes or to simply experience joy in our life. It’s like living with a low-grade fever or annoying pain that somehow dulls our experience and zaps our full vitality. Living with tolerations is like living your life in black and white instead of in full Technicolor.
“Good grief! He’s late again—and does not apologize for his tardiness.” Zap!
“I hate it when she treats me like that.” Zap!
“I can’t believe it! My account is overdrawn again.” Zap!
At the root of our tolerations are a variety of limiting beliefs that immobilize us. For example thoughts like the ones below can negatively impact your life:
- “That’s just the way it is.”
- “I’m not worth it.”
- “Don’t rock the boat—play it safe.”
- “Don’t complain or be too demanding.”
- “I don’t have enough time/money/support.”
- “I am just not good enough.”
There are countless limiting beliefs, yet they all serve to dampen our life force and keep us playing small. Tolerations and limiting beliefs can be physically and mentally exhausting!
If we are committed to feeling better about ourselves and making the positive changes in our lives, the results could bring you greater peace of mind and happiness. One initial step you could take would be to evaluate and eliminate the tolerations standing in your way. Here are some ideas on how to do that:
Take a toleration inventory. Make an honest appraisal of what you are tolerating in each of the areas in your life: home environment, health, work, money, relationships and so on. Write down everything that annoys you or that you feel you are putting up with. You will likely come up with more than 100 of these tolerations!
Evaluate. Examine each underlying limited belief that has kept you putting up with these things. Again, get support to help you break through them. You may be so close to some of these beliefs that you can’t fully recognize them for what they are.
Appreciate. Take an honest look at what benefits you are receiving from keeping things status quo. There is always some kind of payoff for whatever is going on in your life. Who or what is holding you back from implementing positive change? Acknowledge and appreciate the role that the person plays in your life and determine if they are still serving you well. If not, perhaps it is time to release the people and behaviors that no longer serve you.
Choose. Based on your values and goals, you get to choose. What will you say “no” to so that you can say “yes” to those other things that bring you joy? Commit to filling your life with people and experiences that fill you up and bring you joy.
Plan. With the support friends, family or your coach, develop a strategy for eliminating these tolerations. You don’t have to do it alone—in fact, it’s useful and helpful to partner up with an accountability partner or create a support team.
As you eliminate the tolerations in your life, you will feel the joy of choosing what you want in your life. You will enjoy an increase in your vitality and a feeling of empowerment. Then YOU will be in control and experiencing an abundant life!
Are you a highly motivated leader but struggle navigating the corporate environment? Do you wish you could lead with authenticity and more confidence? Would you like to break through to the next level? Get your FREE Audio CD: “Get Recognized, Valued and Promoted at Work” at www.thewonderloft.com.
Angela exemplifies that rare combination of one who is grounded in logic, yet soaring with spirit. She is a warm, caring person who wants the best for her clients and isn’t afraid to call that forth from them! When you are coached by Angela, you will see possibilities that you never knew existed.”
Angela Joyner is a leadership expert, coach and national speaker. She founded The Wonder Loft, LLC coaching practice for women. Angela is passionate about teaching women around the world how to authentically navigate the corporate environment, lead with confidence and get promoted at work. Through private coaching, workshops, and her signature talk, Angela shows women (and a few good men) how to create a powerful leadership brand and an abundant life they love.